[ Are You stupid? The line echoes in Jesse's head, his gaze going blank as he replays every time Mr. White called him an idiot or made him feel like he'd never amount to anything. That all he's good for is cooking and selling meth and how he can't even get that right half the time. He feels his blood start to boil, his breaths starting to pick up pace. He grits his teeth, setting his jaw as El keeps going. The sudden rise in her voice makes him flinch and he bellows back at her suddenly. ]
I'm not fuckin' stupid, yo! I'm just tryin' t'be nice! It's not like you came to me trying to get off the stuff. Christ, I met you at a house party so don't go acting like I pulled your ass out of an NA meeting or some shit. What you do with your cash is your fuckin' business, same with me.
[ He picks up on the deepening of El's voice, but doesn't question it. He's been around all types of people and, as someone who isn't prejudiced towards anybody in particular, it doesn't sink in that she might be different than any other chick her age. Transphobic people are more likely to pick out any subtle differences, and Jesse just isn't the type. Not to mention, he's too busy getting pissed at all the assumptions it feels like El is making about him. ]
You wanna get clean, then do it. You can't expect other people to make that shit easy for you 'cause it's not! It's fuckin' hard. You think people on the streets who lost everything to drugs want to be in that position? They're in it 'cause some people can't stop. Some people--some people only stop when it kills 'em.
[ Jesse's voice trembles on that last part, threatening to break. He alerts his gaze as he tries to blink away the threat of tears, eyes going glassy. Of course he's thinking about Jane. It's been a long time, but it still hurts sometimes. He wonders why he does this to himself--if it's worth it surrounding himself with people he knows will probably i y end uo dead if they don't change just because he doesn't want to live in his own head with his dark thought and darker memories. ]
I-- [El stops, watching Jesse blink back tears, feeling like she's just had the floor dropped out from under her. How many times had she made her little brother and sister cry like this while she was drunk? How she used to yell because it was still better than their parents?]
...your party's the safest place I've been in months, why do you think I go? [No room with her uncle is safe. She can't sleep near him unless she uses, and wakes up panicking about what might have happened while she was out.
Fuck this, she decides suddenly, and decides to employ conflict resolution by getting up and walking the fuck out the door. It's easier said than done, and she just ends up leaning against the wall.]
Sorry about this. [She gestures at herself, a clumsy motion where she hits her own chest. Ugh.]
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zvi
I'm all for drama!
Date: 2023-03-20 07:36 am (UTC)I'm not fuckin' stupid, yo! I'm just tryin' t'be nice! It's not like you came to me trying to get off the stuff. Christ, I met you at a house party so don't go acting like I pulled your ass out of an NA meeting or some shit. What you do with your cash is your fuckin' business, same with me.
[ He picks up on the deepening of El's voice, but doesn't question it. He's been around all types of people and, as someone who isn't prejudiced towards anybody in particular, it doesn't sink in that she might be different than any other chick her age. Transphobic people are more likely to pick out any subtle differences, and Jesse just isn't the type. Not to mention, he's too busy getting pissed at all the assumptions it feels like El is making about him. ]
You wanna get clean, then do it. You can't expect other people to make that shit easy for you 'cause it's not! It's fuckin' hard. You think people on the streets who lost everything to drugs want to be in that position? They're in it 'cause some people can't stop. Some people--some people only stop when it kills 'em.
[ Jesse's voice trembles on that last part, threatening to break. He alerts his gaze as he tries to blink away the threat of tears, eyes going glassy. Of course he's thinking about Jane. It's been a long time, but it still hurts sometimes. He wonders why he does this to himself--if it's worth it surrounding himself with people he knows will probably i y end uo dead if they don't change just because he doesn't want to live in his own head with his dark thought and darker memories. ]
Re: I'm all for drama!
Date: 2023-03-20 01:38 pm (UTC)...your party's the safest place I've been in months, why do you think I go? [No room with her uncle is safe. She can't sleep near him unless she uses, and wakes up panicking about what might have happened while she was out.
Fuck this, she decides suddenly, and decides to employ conflict resolution by getting up and walking the fuck out the door. It's easier said than done, and she just ends up leaning against the wall.]
Sorry about this. [She gestures at herself, a clumsy motion where she hits her own chest. Ugh.]