[ Jesse, of course, hadn't made it to the airport. He'd been intercepted by Lalo's 'friends', as promised. He doesn't want to reminisce about what happened in the interim. He wasn't sure he'd make it home alive. That is, until the name Gus Fring was brought up and it became clear that what they were doing to him was meant to serve as a message to Fring. When it was all said and done, they returned Jesse's rental car and dropped him off at the airport. They had booked a flight for him, too, but it was for later that evening. It's a three-hour flight to Albuquerque International Sunport. Even with it being an hour earlier back home, he's gotten in late. He'd been planning on just driving back that morning. Even with the eight-hour drive, he would have been home earlier.
Jesse takes the battery out of his phone as soon as he's on the airplane, and he breaks and disposes of it in the airport once he lands safely, picking up a new burner phone in one of the airport's shops. He calls for a taxi and then calls Jane, finally, his heart hammering in his battered ribcage as he waits for her to pick up. It rings once before he panics and hangs up. He doesn't want her to worry any more than she probably already is. So he waits, not wanting to answer questions over the phone. His leg bounces nervously the entire ride.
As requested, they drop him off down the street and he limps his way down the block, eyes and ears pricked as he carries his duffle bag and turns the corner into his driveway, eventually making it to the front door. Jesse pats his pockets to look for his key, but gives up after a little while, raising his fist to knock on the door instead. Jane's presumably waiting at his house and he can't stand another minute with her not knowing he's alive. He's fucked up, but he'll live. ]
[The home shopping network blares mindlessly in the background, but Jane isn't watching it. She can't even focus long enough to make out the individual words the too-cheery hosts are saying, let alone actually comprehend that they're talking about The New BlendTech Flav-o-Tron 8000 (now with real finger-slicing technology!).
She paces the house aimlessly. It's the most pointless pacing she's ever done without being on something.
She tugs at the hem of her shirt. She tugs at her hair.
All she can think about is Jesse. The phone call from an unknown number - one ring while she fumbled with her own phone out of fear, then disconnected before she even had time to receive the call - had done little to quell her nerves. Instead, it created a million new nightmare scenarios to play on repeat in her brain.
The blinds are wide open, letting sunlight splash into Jesse's house. He usually keeps them shut and she usually doesn't mess with the way he has things when she's in his house. But she wants - no, she needs - to see him coming. She needs to know when she sees any car that might be carrying him rolling down the block.
It's one of fate's cruel little ironies that she's in the bathroom when Jesse's rental car does come rolling up to their shared duplex, parking outside the street, and misses it. She's washing her hands when she hears knocking and all but runs to the front door, leaving the bathroom door open and the light on.]
Jesse?
[She opens the door, only to see him standing there looking... Jesus, he looks fucked up. There aren't any other words for it. Jane hurls herself onto the step, wrapping both arms around his shoulders and squeezing tight.]
Oh my God, baby! Thank God you're safe. [She separates from him, and takes several steps back inside, her eyes going wide.] Jesse? What the hell? What is all of this? [She gestures to his visible bruises.] Who... who did this to you?
[She's in shock right now, but the rage will come quickly when she's able to process what she's looking at.]
[ ooc; just a quick note--he walked from down the block and it's his aunt's renovated house, not their shared duplex. i figured that since this is technically after jane's death (after he shot gale) but instead of jane dying we can handwave that she just had an overdose and they both went to rehab (instead of jesse going by himself after she dies). not big deal or anything i just wanted to make sure we're both on the same page :) ]
[ Jesse drops his duffel bag at the front door, letting out a quiet sigh as he waits. He lifts his hand to knock again when he hears hurried footsteps approaching the door. It's flung open and he barely has time to register what's going on before Jane's flinging herself at him, squeezing him tight.
A strangled sound escapes him against his own will--he's sore, to say the least, as much as he'd like to pretend that he's Superman. He bites back another sound as he liftes his arms to squeeze her back in spite of the pain. He needs to feel her. Needs to know she's really there--that he's really made it back home. She's been staying at his house for the past couple of days, and he was supposed to be back way sooner. It was supposed to just be a quick overnight trip, but instead of getting home sometime in the late afternoon, it's now late at night. Luckily late enough for the nosy, geriatric neighbors to all be in bed instead of peeking out between their blinds to watch him limp down the street and back into his girlfriend's arms.
Jesse cringes visibly when the realization crosses Jane's face. He hasn't really gotten a good look at himself, but he knows at the very least one of his eyes is swollen shut and he hurts all over. It probably looks worse than it is, but just barely. ]
I'm okay--I'm--let's go inside. I'll explain.
[ Jesse grunts as he lifts his bag again, his free arm crossing his body to clutch protectively at his ribcage as he shuffles his way inside, letting the bag go as soon as he crosses the threshold. He pushes the door shut and locks it, staring out through the livingroom window for a few long moments before he's satisfied that nobody's been following him. He's safe now. ]
Ran into somebody who wanted to send my boss a message.
[ It's the short story, anyway. He doesn't really feel like rehashing all the details right away. Not when what he really needs is to get some ice on his face in the hopes that the swelling might go down some. But he knows that won't be enough for Jane. She'll want to know why this happened, and she deserves to get answers even if he's not sure he has all the answers to the questions she'll ask. He'll do his best. He hobbles into the kitchen, though, rifling through the freezer until he finds a bag of frozen vegetables, sighing as he presses it to his face, a hand shakily settling on the countertop. Man, he just wants to sleep this off and forget about it all, but he can't. He can't leave her wondering. He finds his way to the couch and settles gingerly, leaning his head back against the backrest so he doesn't have to hold the makeshift compress in place. He pats the cushion next to him and then lifts his arm, gesturing for her to come closer. He might be fucked up, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want her near him. He needs it. ]
[The sound that escapes him makes Jane feel like someone dumped a bucket of ice over her. There's a deeply unpleasant tingling in the pit of her stomach. She feels his arm around her, which convinces her not to try to pull away until he's ready to break their contact on his own. A little dazed, she slowly follows him back indoors.
Her mouth is as dry as a million cotton balls as Jane watches Jesse shamble into the house. Then he starts rooting around for something to hold against his swollen eye. The hard, shiny, purple skin on his face is difficult for Jane to pull her eyes away from.
She shakes herself into reacting when he pats the cushion. The soft whump, whump of his hand lightly smacking the fabric calls her back to her senses, somehow. Jane makes her way over to him on legs that feel like jelly before she drops onto the couch beside him.]
Jesse... [Right now, she only has one question.] What the hell?
[ Jesse let's out a breath at Jane's words. He should have known his hurried answer wouldn't satisfy her, and really, it shouldn't. An answer like that might make sense to someone else in the business like Saul or Mr. White, but to Jane? She deserves to know more as badly as he just wants to forget everything. Even more than that, he tries to keep his life with Jane as separate from his work life as possible. But, when something like this happens, it's not like he can expect her to just not ask questions. ]
Y'know how I told you there was this charity event goin' on? So...turns out it was, like, a punching booth? Y'know. Toss some money in the jar, get to knock a guy around. Most people took it as a joke but this one guy. He, like. He hit hard. And--i don't know, I just...I kept egging him on. Kept getting up and asking for it. I just. I couldn't stop. I...a part of me felt like. I don't know.
[ Jesse trails off, tensing up a little. Pushing thoughts of Gale farther and farther away. It still feels like a dream. It still doesn't feel real that he's done the one thing he thought he'd never resort to. He hasn't told Jane yet and that's mostly because it hasn't even fully sunk in for himself that it's really happened. That he's a murderer. ]
Turns out he knew who I was and who I work for. My boss--he's got some beef with a Cartel across the border. Guess they're trying to send him a message next time I show up to work looking like fuckin' Rocky Balboa after a few rounds.
[ Jesse let's out a bitter scoff, not sure quite how his life ended up like this. It's all so absurd it's hardly believable, and he knows that. But it's the truth. ]
[Jane's stomach does a tiny flip at the way he trails off. And the way he says he 'doesn't know', when she suspects that he definitely does know; that he knows what was inside of him that possessed him to keep antagonizing this guy.]
Felt like what? [Her voice is soft and uncertain, at first, but then she repeats herself, louder and more forcefully.] A part of you felt like -- what, Jesse?
[Jane pulls her legs up underneath her and sits on top of them. Both of her hands reach for both of his, to hold onto, to try to reassure him somehow. She searches his face for some clue, some explanation, but there's nothing there that helps her makes sense of any of this.]
Cartel?
[It's not like she should be surprised to hear that. She knows what he does. She knows how much money is involved, too. And yet hearing that word spoken out loud still shocks her. She knew Jesse had to be in pretty deep, but somehow she didn't realize it was that deep.]
Is everything okay? [Stupid question! Of course everything isn't "okay"...] What's going on?
[She doesn't just mean after his trip to Mexico, either.]
[ Jesse's lost in his own head as he trails off, flashes of Gale flitting through his mind as he closes his eyes. He has to shake his head for the visions to leave him, jumping visibly as Jane raises her voice to ask him again. A part of you felt like --what, Jesse? His blue eyes shift towards her as he spits the words out before he realizes what he's doing, as if it's just an instinctual reaction to her raised voice--as if the words were startled right out of him. ]
Like I deserved it.
[ It comes out before he can think--before he can make something else up instead and, of course, that'll only lead to more questions or to some reassurance that no, he's not the worst person on the planet. That he doesn't deserve to have the shit kicked out of him or whatever else she'll try to lift his spirits with. The problem is that he does deserve it. At least he thinks he does. If you just do shit and get away with it, suffer no consequences, what's even the point?
His body jars again when Jane grabs both of his hands, but he squeezes them after a moment, finally daring to meet her eyes with his. Only his are shining with unshed tears now. If she knew what these hands were capable of, would she still want to hold them? Jesse wonders, a crushing pain squeezing in his chest at the realization that he could very well lose everything. ]
This cartel family. They want a piece of my boss's profits. They want in on the operation and he's dragging his feet. He doesn't want to make deals with them. So one of their guys decided to use me to send him a message. I'm one half of his cook operation. Anything happens to me and his business comes to a standstill. They're warning him.
[ Jane's brow furrows when Jesse jumps like that at the sound of her voice. Like he thinks she's going to hit him or something. It's an understandable reaction to have for someone who's already been hit so many times, but it feels like there's more to it than that.
His words confirm as much. ]
Why do you think you deserve it?
[ Jane's impulse is to get angry and tell him in no uncertain terms that he doesn't deserve it, and Mr. White or his other boss or whoever is telling him this and making him feel this way needs to go piss up a rope already.
But she doesn't. Something inside her tells her to wait. Ask questions.
It makes her heart hurt when something as simple as touching his hands makes him jumpy like that. Jesse's always been emotional, but he wasn't like this when she first met him. Something changed. Jane just wishes she knew what it was.
She tries not to let the shock show on her face when he starts talking about some "cartel guy". The drug cartels are bad news, and in all her years of using, Jane has never had to come face-to-face with anyone who was in any way high up in that hierarchy. At least, not that she's aware of, anyway. ]
So if he doesn't cut this deal, what then? Are they going to come back looking for you again?
Because of the things I've done. The things I've...had to do.
[ Jesse says, vaguely. It's not giving her details, but it's giving her something. It's painfully obvious that he's done something that he isn't sure he can ever be forgiven for. By himself or anybody else. ]
He'll cut a deal. He can't afford to let any of his chemists go. It's just me and Mr. White. That's all he's got, and if either one of us gets offed, the other's not gonna do shit for him. We already established that. So, looks like my boss is just gonna have to cut some kinda deal. Make things work.
[ Sure, it's easier said than done and he knows--painfully--that it isn't enough to put Jane at ease. Not entirely. But it's all he's got, and so, in spite of his cracked ribs and his battered body and his swollen shut eye, he sits up and turns towards her and pulls her closer so he can curl an arm around her protectively. ]
[ He might be the one curling his arm around her, like he's trying to protect her, but Jane can't help feeling like he's the one who needs protection.
She's a little bit dazed, and she's not even the one who's been through all of this shit. She rests her head on his shoulder, and she tries to think about what she say, anything can do, to make him feel better. ]
At least let me bandage you or something. Does your boss or Mr. White or anyone like that know any sketchy criminal doctors? [ Doesn't exactly sound like the kind of thing you can go to the hospital for, after all. She squirms out from under his arm and hops up. She doesn't know if the flimsy little First Aid kit she has will even do anything against the extent of his injuries. But she hates seeing him like this.
She sucks in a breath, before she goes to get the First Aid kit from under the sink and sits down again beside him. She cracks it open, but she can tell just by looking a lot of this is for things much smaller than what they're dealing with.
As she rummages for something that might help even a little, she goes back to something else he said. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
zvi
for @apology_girl
Date: 2022-12-31 04:09 am (UTC)[ Jesse, of course, hadn't made it to the airport. He'd been intercepted by Lalo's 'friends', as promised. He doesn't want to reminisce about what happened in the interim. He wasn't sure he'd make it home alive. That is, until the name Gus Fring was brought up and it became clear that what they were doing to him was meant to serve as a message to Fring. When it was all said and done, they returned Jesse's rental car and dropped him off at the airport. They had booked a flight for him, too, but it was for later that evening. It's a three-hour flight to Albuquerque International Sunport. Even with it being an hour earlier back home, he's gotten in late. He'd been planning on just driving back that morning. Even with the eight-hour drive, he would have been home earlier.
Jesse takes the battery out of his phone as soon as he's on the airplane, and he breaks and disposes of it in the airport once he lands safely, picking up a new burner phone in one of the airport's shops. He calls for a taxi and then calls Jane, finally, his heart hammering in his battered ribcage as he waits for her to pick up. It rings once before he panics and hangs up. He doesn't want her to worry any more than she probably already is. So he waits, not wanting to answer questions over the phone. His leg bounces nervously the entire ride.
As requested, they drop him off down the street and he limps his way down the block, eyes and ears pricked as he carries his duffle bag and turns the corner into his driveway, eventually making it to the front door. Jesse pats his pockets to look for his key, but gives up after a little while, raising his fist to knock on the door instead. Jane's presumably waiting at his house and he can't stand another minute with her not knowing he's alive. He's fucked up, but he'll live. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-01-08 09:06 pm (UTC)She paces the house aimlessly. It's the most pointless pacing she's ever done without being on something.
She tugs at the hem of her shirt. She tugs at her hair.
All she can think about is Jesse. The phone call from an unknown number - one ring while she fumbled with her own phone out of fear, then disconnected before she even had time to receive the call - had done little to quell her nerves. Instead, it created a million new nightmare scenarios to play on repeat in her brain.
The blinds are wide open, letting sunlight splash into Jesse's house. He usually keeps them shut and she usually doesn't mess with the way he has things when she's in his house. But she wants - no, she needs - to see him coming. She needs to know when she sees any car that might be carrying him rolling down the block.
It's one of fate's cruel little ironies that she's in the bathroom when Jesse's rental car does come rolling up to their shared duplex, parking outside the street, and misses it. She's washing her hands when she hears knocking and all but runs to the front door, leaving the bathroom door open and the light on.]
Jesse?
[She opens the door, only to see him standing there looking... Jesus, he looks fucked up. There aren't any other words for it. Jane hurls herself onto the step, wrapping both arms around his shoulders and squeezing tight.]
Oh my God, baby! Thank God you're safe. [She separates from him, and takes several steps back inside, her eyes going wide.] Jesse? What the hell? What is all of this? [She gestures to his visible bruises.] Who... who did this to you?
[She's in shock right now, but the rage will come quickly when she's able to process what she's looking at.]
no subject
Date: 2023-01-10 02:04 am (UTC)[ Jesse drops his duffel bag at the front door, letting out a quiet sigh as he waits. He lifts his hand to knock again when he hears hurried footsteps approaching the door. It's flung open and he barely has time to register what's going on before Jane's flinging herself at him, squeezing him tight.
A strangled sound escapes him against his own will--he's sore, to say the least, as much as he'd like to pretend that he's Superman. He bites back another sound as he liftes his arms to squeeze her back in spite of the pain. He needs to feel her. Needs to know she's really there--that he's really made it back home. She's been staying at his house for the past couple of days, and he was supposed to be back way sooner. It was supposed to just be a quick overnight trip, but instead of getting home sometime in the late afternoon, it's now late at night. Luckily late enough for the nosy, geriatric neighbors to all be in bed instead of peeking out between their blinds to watch him limp down the street and back into his girlfriend's arms.
Jesse cringes visibly when the realization crosses Jane's face. He hasn't really gotten a good look at himself, but he knows at the very least one of his eyes is swollen shut and he hurts all over. It probably looks worse than it is, but just barely. ]
I'm okay--I'm--let's go inside. I'll explain.
[ Jesse grunts as he lifts his bag again, his free arm crossing his body to clutch protectively at his ribcage as he shuffles his way inside, letting the bag go as soon as he crosses the threshold. He pushes the door shut and locks it, staring out through the livingroom window for a few long moments before he's satisfied that nobody's been following him. He's safe now. ]
Ran into somebody who wanted to send my boss a message.
[ It's the short story, anyway. He doesn't really feel like rehashing all the details right away. Not when what he really needs is to get some ice on his face in the hopes that the swelling might go down some. But he knows that won't be enough for Jane. She'll want to know why this happened, and she deserves to get answers even if he's not sure he has all the answers to the questions she'll ask. He'll do his best. He hobbles into the kitchen, though, rifling through the freezer until he finds a bag of frozen vegetables, sighing as he presses it to his face, a hand shakily settling on the countertop. Man, he just wants to sleep this off and forget about it all, but he can't. He can't leave her wondering. He finds his way to the couch and settles gingerly, leaning his head back against the backrest so he doesn't have to hold the makeshift compress in place. He pats the cushion next to him and then lifts his arm, gesturing for her to come closer. He might be fucked up, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want her near him. He needs it. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-01-10 02:41 am (UTC)[The sound that escapes him makes Jane feel like someone dumped a bucket of ice over her. There's a deeply unpleasant tingling in the pit of her stomach. She feels his arm around her, which convinces her not to try to pull away until he's ready to break their contact on his own. A little dazed, she slowly follows him back indoors.
Her mouth is as dry as a million cotton balls as Jane watches Jesse shamble into the house. Then he starts rooting around for something to hold against his swollen eye. The hard, shiny, purple skin on his face is difficult for Jane to pull her eyes away from.
She shakes herself into reacting when he pats the cushion. The soft whump, whump of his hand lightly smacking the fabric calls her back to her senses, somehow. Jane makes her way over to him on legs that feel like jelly before she drops onto the couch beside him.]
Jesse... [Right now, she only has one question.] What the hell?
no subject
Date: 2023-01-10 03:09 am (UTC)Y'know how I told you there was this charity event goin' on? So...turns out it was, like, a punching booth? Y'know. Toss some money in the jar, get to knock a guy around. Most people took it as a joke but this one guy. He, like. He hit hard. And--i don't know, I just...I kept egging him on. Kept getting up and asking for it. I just. I couldn't stop. I...a part of me felt like. I don't know.
[ Jesse trails off, tensing up a little. Pushing thoughts of Gale farther and farther away. It still feels like a dream. It still doesn't feel real that he's done the one thing he thought he'd never resort to. He hasn't told Jane yet and that's mostly because it hasn't even fully sunk in for himself that it's really happened. That he's a murderer. ]
Turns out he knew who I was and who I work for. My boss--he's got some beef with a Cartel across the border. Guess they're trying to send him a message next time I show up to work looking like fuckin' Rocky Balboa after a few rounds.
[ Jesse let's out a bitter scoff, not sure quite how his life ended up like this. It's all so absurd it's hardly believable, and he knows that. But it's the truth. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-01-10 05:06 am (UTC)Felt like what? [Her voice is soft and uncertain, at first, but then she repeats herself, louder and more forcefully.] A part of you felt like -- what, Jesse?
[Jane pulls her legs up underneath her and sits on top of them. Both of her hands reach for both of his, to hold onto, to try to reassure him somehow. She searches his face for some clue, some explanation, but there's nothing there that helps her makes sense of any of this.]
Cartel?
[It's not like she should be surprised to hear that. She knows what he does. She knows how much money is involved, too. And yet hearing that word spoken out loud still shocks her. She knew Jesse had to be in pretty deep, but somehow she didn't realize it was that deep.]
Is everything okay? [Stupid question! Of course everything isn't "okay"...] What's going on?
[She doesn't just mean after his trip to Mexico, either.]
no subject
Date: 2023-01-10 01:19 pm (UTC)Like I deserved it.
[ It comes out before he can think--before he can make something else up instead and, of course, that'll only lead to more questions or to some reassurance that no, he's not the worst person on the planet. That he doesn't deserve to have the shit kicked out of him or whatever else she'll try to lift his spirits with. The problem is that he does deserve it. At least he thinks he does. If you just do shit and get away with it, suffer no consequences, what's even the point?
His body jars again when Jane grabs both of his hands, but he squeezes them after a moment, finally daring to meet her eyes with his. Only his are shining with unshed tears now. If she knew what these hands were capable of, would she still want to hold them? Jesse wonders, a crushing pain squeezing in his chest at the realization that he could very well lose everything. ]
This cartel family. They want a piece of my boss's profits. They want in on the operation and he's dragging his feet. He doesn't want to make deals with them. So one of their guys decided to use me to send him a message. I'm one half of his cook operation. Anything happens to me and his business comes to a standstill. They're warning him.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-13 03:50 am (UTC)His words confirm as much. ]
Why do you think you deserve it?
[ Jane's impulse is to get angry and tell him in no uncertain terms that he doesn't deserve it, and Mr. White or his other boss or whoever is telling him this and making him feel this way needs to go piss up a rope already.
But she doesn't. Something inside her tells her to wait. Ask questions.
It makes her heart hurt when something as simple as touching his hands makes him jumpy like that. Jesse's always been emotional, but he wasn't like this when she first met him. Something changed. Jane just wishes she knew what it was.
She tries not to let the shock show on her face when he starts talking about some "cartel guy". The drug cartels are bad news, and in all her years of using, Jane has never had to come face-to-face with anyone who was in any way high up in that hierarchy. At least, not that she's aware of, anyway. ]
So if he doesn't cut this deal, what then? Are they going to come back looking for you again?
[ Her stomach hurts. ]
no subject
Date: 2023-01-13 06:00 pm (UTC)[ Jesse says, vaguely. It's not giving her details, but it's giving her something. It's painfully obvious that he's done something that he isn't sure he can ever be forgiven for. By himself or anybody else. ]
He'll cut a deal. He can't afford to let any of his chemists go. It's just me and Mr. White. That's all he's got, and if either one of us gets offed, the other's not gonna do shit for him. We already established that. So, looks like my boss is just gonna have to cut some kinda deal. Make things work.
[ Sure, it's easier said than done and he knows--painfully--that it isn't enough to put Jane at ease. Not entirely. But it's all he's got, and so, in spite of his cracked ribs and his battered body and his swollen shut eye, he sits up and turns towards her and pulls her closer so he can curl an arm around her protectively. ]
I'm not goin' anywhere...I swear.
no subject
Date: 2023-01-14 09:51 pm (UTC)She's a little bit dazed, and she's not even the one who's been through all of this shit. She rests her head on his shoulder, and she tries to think about what she say, anything can do, to make him feel better. ]
At least let me bandage you or something. Does your boss or Mr. White or anyone like that know any sketchy criminal doctors? [ Doesn't exactly sound like the kind of thing you can go to the hospital for, after all. She squirms out from under his arm and hops up. She doesn't know if the flimsy little First Aid kit she has will even do anything against the extent of his injuries. But she hates seeing him like this.
She sucks in a breath, before she goes to get the First Aid kit from under the sink and sits down again beside him. She cracks it open, but she can tell just by looking a lot of this is for things much smaller than what they're dealing with.
As she rummages for something that might help even a little, she goes back to something else he said. ]
What have you "had to do?" Besides this?